by Andrew Wilmot
After an unexpected malfunction, the technology which enables humanity to cross vast distances has separated an interstellar traveler from the love of her life — not in space, but in time. Now, while her companions remain in stasis, she must endure the loneliness of the journey until the moment her lover wakes.
Winner of the 2015 Friends of Merril Short Story Contest, When I'm Old, When I'm Grey imagines the strange — and strangely familiar — forms that fear and longing can take, as we venture forth into the unknown of the future.
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WILL YOU STILL? EVEN then?
When you said you loved me, my mind unravelled like a braid of rope into a dozen different lengths: Will you still love me when my brown hair is thin and white like dandelion fluff? What about when my breasts sag and my rear end deflates like a pair of sad party balloons?
I asked if you’d love every horrible smell and sound I’ve managed to hide from you thus far, for fear of tarnishing the crystalline image I’d constructed.
“Of course,” you laughed. You swore I didn’t have anything to worry about.
Then, nervously, you asked if I loved you. I blanched. And then I said I loved being with you.
“It’s okay,” you said, “if you’re not ready.” You weren’t going anywhere. You had all the time in the world.
IT’S YEARS LATER WHEN I again seek reassurance, but you don’t hear me. You can’t; you’ve been asleep for twenty-five days, sixteen hours, and thirty-four minutes. I have to remind myself, when I look at you——frozen like a mammoth beneath the ice——that you’re still alive. It would be so simple to forget. The lot of you——Sanders, Cohen, Hawking——are as corpses in windowed coffins. Some days it’s just as easy to forget that I’m still alive, too. There’s only so much a person can stand of their own voice before the void of reciprocity overwhelms.
In the third week I begin to wonder if this is what life was like for prisoners in solitary confinement. But then I remember that even they had contact with other forms of intelligent life, when guards came by each day to deliver their meals through the narrow slots in their cell doors.
I wonder how many go mad by the end.
about the author
ANDREW WILMOT is a writer, editor, and artist living in Toronto, ON. He is a graduate of the SFU Master in Publishing program and spends his days writing a lot and painting stupidly large pieces. He currently works as a freelance reviewer, academic editor, and substantive editor with several independent presses and publications. To date his work has been published in Found Press, The Singularity, Glittership, Drive In Tales, and Turn to Ash, and he was the winner of the 2015 Friends of Merril Short Story Contest. His first novel, The Death Scene Artist, will be published by Buckrider Books, an imprint of Wolsak & Wynn, in Fall 2018.
by this author
What You're in For
by Andrew Wilmot
Allan knows, better than most, the meaning of the saying "you are your own worst enemy."
In What You're in For, author Andrew Wilmot dredges visions from the psychic depths to create an unflinchingly visceral portrayal of anxiety.
"A surreal, slow-build story that will stay with me a long time. Brilliantly horrible."
- Kirsty Logan, author of The Gracekeepers and A Portable Shelter
by Andrew Wilmot
One night, thirteen-year-old Ned Powell is horrified to discover that his skin has taken on the physical properties of glass. Over the years, he finds himself resented by his father, coddled by his mother, rejected by society, and always on guard for the next devastating crack. In order to make peace with himself, Ned must overcome a fragility that goes much further than skin deep.
“An original, tender, metaphoric story about a man made of glass.”
— Steph VanderMeulen, Bella's Bookshelves
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When Blanche first began singing, she was humble, eager, willing to work, willing to learn. Now she is headstrong, condescending, unprofessional, and just a tiny bit full of herself. She is also the closest to genius that Antoinette, her accompanist, may ever have a chance to work with.
Memories of a Carnivore
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A hybrid travelogue and memoir that pieces together the fragmented recollections of one woman’s rocky journey toward vegetarianism. From her rural upbringing in francophone Northeastern Ontario to exotic locations, outlandish adventures, and bizarre meals, Julie relives her struggle to make the right food choices for herself and examines the consequences of her decisions.
The Last Judgment
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Charlotte is on the cusp of adolescence, and her world is being turned upside down. Unable to turn to her distant mother or absent father, she searches for guidance on the streets of downtown Toronto—and discovers God (or some version of Him) in the gutter.
“The Last Judgment is a story that penetrates into the heart of childhood sadness. Charlotte is without tools to fix what is broken, except for the incredible force of her will. The connections she makes between religion, parental failure, sexuality, and love make perfect sense because they are told in her bell-clear voice. This story is warm and tragic and, at moments, grimly funny.”
— Rebecca Rosenblum, author of Once and Road Trips
by Curtis Snider
A woman wakes up in bed beside her ex-boyfriend and is at loss to explain how she got there. Inexplicably drawn to stay, she scours every square inch of the apartment they used to share, noting the traces of her presence that linger on, as well as the empty spots that conspicuously mark her absence. The deeper she digs, the more she understands how imperfect her relationship was – and the less willing she is to come up for air.
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An electrical engineer who has lost almost everything - his marriage, his job, his father - retreats to his garage to re-evaluate and reorganize the various loose ends of his life, and ends up assembling a thermonuclear device instead.
by Andrew Forbes
In a suburb that is nowhere and everywhere, Jorgen deals with the feelings of alienation and frustration from his collapsing relationship by getting into his car, putting on Patti Smith, and searching for meaning and belonging anywhere he can — regardless of whether he is welcome or wanted.
by Richard Rosenbaum
Polly knows what she wants: to be in the greatest band in the world. Oliver knows what he wants: Polly. Together they are The Oughts, a duo trying to attain the unattainable, one basic chord at a time.
“Richard Rosenbaum’s The Oughts jabs its sticky little fingers right into your heart and swirls them around in there for a long, long time. Its characters unfold in pitch-perfect awkwardness and tender apathy, and readers will be struck by the surreal hinges and twitching imagery that Rosenbaum flawlessly weaves in. Writers in the audience should take note: Rosenbaum has created a writhing work of fiction that any scribe would aspire to be capable of pulling off.”
— Liz Worth, author of Treat Me Like Dirt: An Oral History of Punk in Toronto and Beyond and Eleven: Eleven